Just read this on line. It’s my fault for looking myself up. I started with reading about a friend who’s a director, and before you know it, I’m googling me. This is one of the saddest Saturday nights I’ve ever spent alone. I’m in a hotel room in Toronto. I was here to do a festival, and the festival was basically cancelled. Don’t worry, I’ve been paid. Well, I’ve been handed a check. We’ll see what happens when I deposit it. If it bounces, I’ll think, well at least someone is using rubbers. I like the way the List calls me a ‘little bitch’. Sounds horny. Actually some guy was supposed to come over tonite at midnight and cum on my cotton-blend, but he never showed. Men are so fickle. I wandered through the gay village, but it’s far too cold here. Everyone walks around like it’s balmy because they’re not completely covered in snow, but my fingers were about to snap off. I had to get indoors. Not sure how they deal with this for six months, and in fact, i hear it gets colder. The leaves are nice…

This appeared in the Glasgow Herald last weekend…

Among the big-name comics playing Scotland this weekend, Scott Capurro is cruder than Frank Skinner, bitchier than the Grumpy Old Women, less discreet than Alan Carr, skinnier even than Mark Watson and has corresponded with more convicted killers than Ardal O’Hanlon. Seemingly driven by spite, bitterness and Viagra, the provocative San Franciscan is currently upsetting liberal sensibilities with his acidic opinions on the Maddie media coverage. A perennial Glasgay! turn, Capurro has appeared in Star Wars, graphically champions dwarf copulation and has just been handed a Royal sex blackmail scandal. What more could you want? He plays the Edinburgh Stand on Tuesday.

And then, this appeared in The List…

Scott brings his ‘Premature Gift’ show over to The Burgh after treating Glasgay! to his sense of humour. Not for the easily offended. Or quite hard to offend. Everyone else will adore the little bitch.

I know they’re both short paragraphs, but I liked them and thought they were worth putting on the site. This isn’t part of the mentions. This is me, writing about the brevity of them. I’m kind of bored and very tired, I was up rolling around on the floor of a gay sauna. Pot and viagra make me needy. And funnier, apparently. Or bitter. Or something.
Back to London tomorrow. Thank God. Although in this cold, coffee is better. Especially if the beans are seriously burned. xx