Scott Capurro

Comic. Actor. Author.

Just got this. From a lady audience member, who had the audacity to show up late, at the Punchline in San Francisco on July 21, then sit in the front row and chat with her lady friend. During Gay Pride month! But don’t worry. I sorted her out. Or so I thought…

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She and her 3 mates were 30 minutes late actually, and, internally, I dealt with that. We’re all stupid sometimes. But the chatter got up my nose, so I handled it, and her husband and the other spouse just stared at me, as menacingly as they could. I finally went back to them near the […]

Yeah, and this really happened too. I still have the fucking bruise.

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Why do audiences take themselves so seriously? I could understand if we were trapped at the National Theatre watching Bosnians burying babies, but for fucksake this is comedy and I’m a dick joke teller. It even said ‘comedy’ on the wall behind the stage. Are these seated cunts illiterate? Or just unimpressed? My arm hurt […]

This review appeared in the Times for a play I’m acting in. Just thought I’d let you kids know. Come along. It’s fun.

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The theatre is very intimate, it’s almost like an Edinburgh Fringe venue, which is sweet. And very warm. The UK ignores air conditioning, like it’s Black Magic. The play’s writing is good, I think, and I’m kind of loving playing this character. He’s an aging playwright using sex for approval, so the research was rough. […]

Great review from the Argos, written by someone I’m now clearly in love with, although we’ve never met. But that might be for the best. Apparently, when attracted to someone, I try FAR too hard.

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Scott Capurro, Udderbelly, Brighton, May 14 By Seth Ewin Scott Capurro takes no prisoners Scott Capurro – Laughtershock Unlike Josef Fritzl, Scott Capurro takes no prisoners, however he does give the Fritzl family some abuse, along with Maddie, Anne Frank and just about any other supposed no-go area you care to mention. The US comedian […]

Apparently some trannies and their supporters read this in Gay Times, and assumed because I wrote it that I hate trannies. Is everyone a cunt? Or maybe everybody is just drunk. Since when did asking a question satirically mean that the writer hates the subject? Does anyone read anything other than their own name and their own story again and again and again?

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I suppose the complainers are miserable twats, sure, but worse, they’re uninformed and unevolved. I thought they’d appreciate the recognition, most people walk by or over trannies and hope that they’re an imagination’s figment. I instead paid them respect through recognition, but frankly, like the Diana inquest or the war in Iraq, I fear time […]

Hey kids, so I’m posting my march article for Gay Times, along with a piece i wrote for Time Out magazine, London, which has really helped promote my run at the Soho Theatre. Have you booked tickets yet? You fucking cunts, it’s gonna sell out, and then what? Huh? Will we ever really be friends? To be honest, I’m posting these for the three ladies who came along to the Soho on opening night. They read my blog, as they announced, and seriously, they are my favorite people right now.

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Gay Times March 2008 The script I’ve penned for my show at the Soho Theatre (March 21/22, 25-29, if you’re interested) has set off warning sirens at my management’s office. Apparently some of my jokes might incite cultural racism and homophobia, which is now, in London, illegal. “Homophobia is illegal?” I coyly ask my agent, […]

Here’s February, for free you cunts. Enjoy.

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GT Magazine Scott Capurro February, 2008 Surely we’re not still celebrating Valentine’s Day. Lovers dancing in the streets whilst tossing rose petals over one another is at best gloatingly showy and at worst environmentally unsound; and Hallmark cards that read “I love our kind of love” are as embarrassing as right-wing Zionism. On February 14th, […]

This new year’s ‘celebration’ seems a bit moan-y to me whilst re-reading, but i admire the artistry. Oh, fuck off, i’m kidding, the artistry is far too subtle for you to understand. Speaking of flabbiness, I am SO depressed after trying on clothes today. I am, officially, flabby. Not fat. That would be pitiful. Instead I have skinny flab, which makes me look like a lazy faggot who relies on his charms. But the reality is, I work out every day! Between the yoga and the swimming, I barely have time to cruise hotel toilets. I guess I have to cut back on the pasta and brownies. I’m loosing the struggle with gravity. Sorry, I’ve lost it. But enjoy the article.x

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Columnist Scott Capurro Subject Sore Spot PQ “I was sure that by 45 I’d be a huge international success, loaded with plaudits, wearing tweed blazers and seducing 19-year-olds at book signings” As a youth, I looked forward to my 40s as my semi-retired, mostly vacationing decade. I was sure then that by 45 I’d be […]

found this on craigslist, in the gay section (duh) and thought you kids might enjoy it. if this doesn’t prove that the terrorists haven’t won, i’m not sure what else will. x

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wild sissy in heat Reply to: pers-541902193@craigslist.org Date: 2008-01-17, 12:41AM i’m all alone in a hotel room, reading my magazine and sipping champagne. i fall asleep. you show up and find me in the dark moaning and begging you to fuck me, panting like a puppy on the mattress, lubed and ready…. jocks frat boys […]