Apparently, I’m a Big Daddy now. I just turned 50 and my body hair has increased. So…Hey dude, how’s it goin’?
Below are my thrilling – I mean, my masculine – gigs for ol’ 2013. Britain is saturated, water is actually coming back up through the Earth, so I’ll be spending more time abroad.
Other gigs will be added, or some of these might be taken away, depending on my behavior, apparently. Is my spelling asstroshis? Maybe next time I’ll make my ‘protein shake’ (read: a desperate middle-age needle jabbing attempt to have bitch tits) AFTER I start tiping. I mean tipping. Or typeing? Why are you watching me??? Man those ass-steroids are strong.
I’m currently inviting success: Ears pinned. Check. Butch boyfriend. Check. Anal bleaching. Double check. Ok Comedy Cunts, here I cunt. Come. Whatever. I’m a bit tall for this couch. I’M HUGE!
The floor’s better.
Blame my parents.
January 17, Throckmorton Theatre, Mill Valley for just me doing comedy. Well, stand up. Might not be funny sometimes. Boo hoo.
January 31, Cafe du Nord, San Francisco, la misma pochito.
February 5, The SF Punchline with Scott Capurro’s Position, my lively chat (UK for talk) show. And clutch your pearls, my magnificent co-host will be David Mills. Guests to be announced, but it’s gonna be HUGE. We’re proudly part of the SF Sketchfest. See you there, meek little ones.
February 7, JJ Phair, Pittsburgh, CA. Just payin’ the bills bitches, just payin’ the bills. JOIN US, it’s a wonderful brewery packed to the brim with overachieving locals.
February 9, New George’s, San Rafael, TBA
Then it’s of to Maui for me, pale ones. I’m back at it in London on March 10th, hoping it’s dried up by then, and not just culturally.
March 14-16, Top Secret Comedy Club, Covent Garden
March 18-22, on Channel 5 (UK) with The Wright Stuff. Careful…
March 26, London Comedy Store
March 29/30, Glasgow Comedy Festival, various gigs.
April 4-6, London Comedy Store
April 9, Oslo, Norway; April 10, Bergen; April 11, Haugesund; April 12/13, Oslo again. Contact Latter Comedy Club, Oslo.
May 3/4, Headliners, Chiswick
June 1, Duckie, RVT, London
June 4-8, Soho Theatre, London with my newly evolving one person show, Islamahomophobia. Tears, dick jokes, epic scale mid life crisis, and MORE!
July 5, The Udderbelly at Southbank for an hour of me, me and then, more of me. And in a tent! Hot.
July 25-27, The Comedy Store, London
July 31-August 25, The Edinburgh Fringe, at The Stand.
September 19-21, The Punchline, San Francisco
September 26, The Throckmorton, Mill Valley
October 5, George’s in San Rafael
November 10-15, Doba, Dubai, Abu Dhabi…I know, but it will be fine. Really. It will
Seek me out at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2013 with my new show, Islamahomophobia, and let me know what you think. Twitter might be best. I sometimes wither under the August heat of Edinburgh. Kidding.
The Middle East should be luxurious, in prison, with my new show, Bitch Tits Behind Bars.